


chasing tomorrow

by disstrack



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Developing Relationship, Drabble, Exes, Gen, Implied Relationships, M/M, Underage Drinking, past!seungjin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 09:16:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14667984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disstrack/pseuds/disstrack
Summary: "A moment of forever." Changbin muses.





	chasing tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jarofactonbell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jarofactonbell/gifts).



> a super belated and late birthday gift to my dear jenny. you deserve more than a measly 2k+ words of nonsense that borderlines on friendship and relationship, and vagueness in general. i'm sorry that i could not scrape up anything more than this because honestly, i just wrote whatever came to mind at the moment, trying to get back onto how the writing world worked after i have stopped for a good solid month. still, i hope that this will be at least enough, despite all its nonsensical context.

The entire house is packed. Which should be surprising, given the size of Hyunjin’s home, but Hyunjin has a lot of friends. Not that he’s necessarily an exact social butterfly, but he’s acquaintances with the whole school, and friends with a lot. He’s a good person too, kind and helpful and most importantly, handsome. So of course the house would be full; of course lots of people would want to go to his birthday party.

Seungmin’s not entirely sure if he’s part of that crowd. But he’s here anyway, regardless.

Not exactly inside the full house though.

He initially thought about coming to Hyunjin’s house early, but before he left the house, he stopped to look at the mirror, and his current situation suddenly hit him. He can’t exactly pinpoint what made him remember his circumstances that he completely forgot about until that very moment, but he does know that after realizing it, he didn’t walk out the door like he meant to. Instead, he walked to the couch, sat down, and texted Jisung, who was planning on arriving somewhat between the exact time on the invite and being late, to pick him up on the way to the party.

They didn’t arrive there as late like Seungmin thought they would, so it wasn’t packed just yet. Slipping in was easy enough and they greeted Hyunjin with a tight hug before placing his gift by one of the long tables. Well, Jisung did. Seungmin awkwardly stood behind him, let himself be ignored by the two of them for about three minutes before disappearing into the slowly growing crowd, remaining completely unnoticed.

It took him approximately two cans of beer among the many cans sitting on the table in neat rows for him to wonder what he was even doing here, inside Hwang Hyunjin’s house, attending his ex’s birthday party and being blatantly awkward about it. It takes around an hour before the house gets jam-packed and Seungmin feels suffocated enough to want to leave, so he moves past the moving people, silent amidst their chatter, and exits through the front door.

Seungmin can leave just then and there, and no one would even notice, because Jisung had ditched him long ago and Seungmin highly doubts that any of their similar friends wouldn’t be anywhere but with Hyunjin. But he feels like it’d be wrong if he didn’t at least greet Hyunjin and give him his gift, which still remains tucked in his jacket pocket. He doesn’t know why he hadn’t left it with all Hyunjin’s other presents from different people, but perhaps because it wasn’t something he could just leave behind without much care.

He looks back at the house through the open door, sees the crowd but can’t see Hyunjin or any familiar person from his view, and thinks, _not yet_. _Not now_. His hands aren’t trembling, but if he lived in a movie, they should be, showing his anxiousness. The most he does is flex his fingers. _Later_.

He finds himself sitting by a swing that stays by Hyunjin’s front yard, a familiar thing to him because of how he and Hyunjin used to always stay in when the latter’s mother would kick them out of the house for never letting themselves see the sunlight, too engrossed in their own antics inside Hyunjin’s bedroom. Seungmin tries, but the sudden thought, memory, stings. He rocks a bit, trying to get the swing into movement.

There’s no moon or star in the sky. Seungmin stares at an empty vast void and wonders why pollution has ruined something that would’ve at least made his night decent. He makes a dissatisfied sound, unable to help himself, and kicks his feet at the air as he swings in a childlike manner.

“How old are you again?” A voice suddenly asks, coming from the side. “Babies aren’t allowed in drinking parties like these, you know.”

Seungmin huffs, annoyed. “Shut the fuck up.” Seo Changbin only grins widely in response, an expression less feral and cocky than it’s supposed to be and more of amused and playful. Seungmin groans loudly. He’s too sober to deal with this shit.

“You’re not drunk enough.” Changbin continues, as if he can read his thoughts. “Why are you already getting some fresh air?”

“Maybe because I like breathing.” Seungmin tells him. “You should try it sometime. Sometimes you speak like you rap in class and no one knows what the fuck you’re saying anymore.”

“At least I know now that you listen to me enough in class to notice.” Changbin’s still grinning, too much in a good mood to be baited into Seungmin’s retorts like he usually is. The younger wonders how wasted Changbin is. “Come back in. Have a few more drinks.”

“You want a drinking buddy? I think you’ve actually had enough of them.” Seungmin says, eyeing Changbin. The lopsided smile is still there.

“Yeah, but you haven’t.”

“And?”

“I know misery loves company, but you know what misery loves more? Alcohol.” Changbin explains. Seungmin snorts, but doesn’t move from his spot. “C’mon, we don’t have to do it back in there with the rest of them. It stinks inside anyway. I know a place.”

Seungmin didn’t expect that kind of reply. But he’d be lying if he said it didn’t interest him the slightest. “How far?”

“Definitely near.” Changbin says, walking past him. “You in or not?”

 

Seungmin says he isn’t, that he’s honestly fucking _out_ , but somehow he finds himself following Changbin to the backyard of the house beside Hyunjin’s, one they were able to get to through climbing up the fence that separated the lawns of the different households. They end up standing in front of a treehouse, one that looks like its seen better days but isn’t heading to its worst yet, Changbin testing the strength of the rope ladder that dangles from the house above by tugging at it before he hikes his leg up. Seungmin’s already starting to regret this.

“Hey!” Changbin calls out, suddenly already at the treehouse. He stares down at Seungmin, hand on the rope and wagging it at Seungmin. “Come up already!”

Seungmin gulps, hesitant. But then Changbin tilts his head, wondering as to why Seungmin isn’t doing moving a muscle, and says, “You won’t fall.”

They’re stupid words of comfort, words that Seungmin doesn’t need or ask for. But he takes them, surprising himself, and grabs the rope, reluctantly hoisting himself up and climbing. The rope sways, as unstable as Seungmin expects it to be, but Changbin’s looking at him, expectant, so the younger squashes down his anxiety just to get this fucking thing over with and get up.

He tries not to collapse once Changbin practically lifts him up to the house when he’s near and fails spectacularly. Changbin chuckles, walking over him, further inside the treehouse; Seungmin is too tired and too relieved that he’s still alive to get annoyed.

The house is smaller than he is in terms of height, so Seungmin ducks his head like Changbin does as he gets up. It’s obviously a house built for nine to twelve old kids, based on its height and how there are some colouring books and comic books he remembers being popular back when they were all younger scattered around, shoved messily to the side to make space for walking and sitting. There are tiny plastic chairs and tables of bright colors also still intact, not dusty at all like Seungmin expected them to be, but not like the new ones he sees in toy stores. Changbin turns on the lights, which is essentially a single working lightbulb at the corner providing light for the whole tiny house, all the others dead. There are clear signs as to how old the place is, but the floor doesn’t creak when he walks, and nothing is too dusty for it to hint its actual age. Changbin must use it a lot, if this is even his.

“I didn’t know you were a treehouse kind of guy.” Seungmin tells Changbin. “Is this place even yours?”

“It was mine and Hyunjin’s.” answers Changbin. “Even though the backyard where this house is at isn’t ours. When the owners left around a decade ago, no one wanted the land, so we just took it, built the treehouse, and decided to call it our own.”

Seungmin knows that this house is the one right next to Hyunjin. And it’s abandoned. Which means– “Isn’t this the house the adults used to say was haunted?”

“Yeah,” Changbin says. “Though it wasn’t. It was just Hyunjin and I scaring all the seven year olds who were gullible enough to try and go inside the house. They never got far enough to the backyard and see the treehouse we mostly stayed and hid at when they tried searching for proof that we weren’t ghosts.”

Seungmin can’t help but snort. “Bastards.”

Changbin laughs. “It was fun.” He says. “This became our special place, where we’d still hang out occasionally, especially when Hyunjin moved to another school and we didn’t get to see each other much.”

“Why am I here then?” asks Seungmin. “If this is your special place with him?”

The older shrugs. “He hasn’t been here in two years; I don’t think he’ll be coming back anytime soon. Which is fine. We don’t need this place to hang anymore.” He explains. “So it’s more of my special place.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“You’re really demanding, you know that?” notes Changbin, though without any venom. He sits down, legs folded, and pats on the ground. “C’mon. Sit.”

Seungmin does, right across Changbin, as the latter sets the backpack previously slung on his shoulder down. The younger had only noticed it just now. He watches as Changbin zips the back open and take out a few canned beers, setting them all down in between them. He most likely snagged them from Hyunjin’s party. Changbin gives him a look, almost challenging, and Seungmin sighs before grabbing a can and twisting the cap open.

Beer isn’t that heavy to begin with as compared to other alcohol, and he sobered up a bit from the earlier ones he consumed when he left to briefly sit by the swing, but he feels a bit lighter anyway when he drinks, a bit calmer than he was before. He really doesn’t like drinking, but the idea of getting drunk sounds more appealing as each moment passes, and he’s already halfway through the first can anyway.

“Good?” Changbin asks, when Seungmin finally sets the can down, as empty as Seungmin feels.

Seungmin wipes some of the liquid off his mouth. “No.”

“Sure looks like it does.” Changbin says with a chuckle. He looks more sober now. He nudges his foot at the other cans. “You can have more, if you want. That’s why they’re there.”

“No thanks.” Seungmin says, waving a hand. He thinks he’s going to throw up if he takes another sip.

“Is that for Hyunjin?” Changbin suddenly asks.

“What?”

“That thing you’re gripping onto.” Changbin nods towards Seungmin’s hand. The latter hadn’t realized he was holding onto it, out of his pocket and half standing on the ground.

“Yeah,” Seungmin says, swallowing. He wants to hide the item back in his pocket, but decides against it. Changbin’s already seen it anyway. “It’s his anyway. I just wanted to return it.” The object isn’t really that special; it’s just a plain silver bracelet, a fake because Hyunjin rarely bought anything that was real due to their price. There aren’t any special engravings or designs on it besides a single music note, but it was something Hyunjin gave to him as a kind of good luck charm. It’s a special bracelet to Hyunjin, the latter had told Seungmin, because Hyunjin previously used it as his own lucky charm.

But he said that three months ago, when they were still dating, five months in. They couldn’t even last a whole year, and Hyunjin was already spouting nonsense like that. What a fool.

“Is that why you came?” Changbin asks.

“I guess.” Seungmin can’t help but glance down at the bracelet. Maybe Seungmin’s the real fool, for actually believing it. “Why else?”

“I don’t know.” The older drums his fingers against the floor. “To ruin his birthday party? Isn’t that what usually exes do?”

“Don’t ask me. I don’t have anything against him.” Seungmin says. “It’s not like he cheated or anything.” But it wasn’t like the break up was mutual. Hyunjin had one day came up and told him that he fell in love with someone else, that they couldn’t no longer go on as a couple. Seungmin had only quietly agreed, because he couldn’t control feelings. He didn’t own Hyunjin. And at least they had broken up before Hyunjin might’ve done something, like actually cheat. Technically, it was a decent break up. Not unreasonable, and not climactic.

But maybe Seungmin’s a bit bitter. Just a little bit. He’s just not letting it show.

“That makes you a good person.” Changbin says.   

The words make Seungmin feel strange. Not necessarily uncomfortable, but he feels weird. It’s because he knows that Changbin’s liked him for a while, and he’s known, even when Seungmin was with Hyunjin. Seungmin didn’t mind it much, because Changbin never really did anything, and Hyunjin was never jealous or bothered, because Changbin was his best friend. But things are different from back then – Hyunjin is no longer with him, and Seungmin can’t deny forever that Changbin’s feelings aren’t there, that they haven’t faded, and that Seungmin doesn’t have to do anything about it.  

Seungmin doesn’t know what to do. He thinks that partly why he was somewhat adamant on going with Changbin here, and even spending time with him, was because he knew something was going to happen. Something that might change his life.

The younger lets his gaze drift away from Changbin to the different parts of the treehouse. It’s only now that he’s noticed tiny photographs, Instax photos, of Hyunjin and Changbin, different places, different poses, and even with different people. But the one thing that remains constant is that there’s Hyunjin, and there’s Changbin, even if in some shots, they aren’t together. Seungmin even sees a picture of him and Hyunjin, a photo he remembers them taking when they went to the amusement park on a date. He wonders what it’s doing here, but he thinks he knows the answer to that already. 

“It’s not all that bad, you know, if a friendship starts to fade.” Changbin says. He’s lying down, hands folded and supporting his head. He’s staring at the pictures as well, before his gaze turns to the ceiling, as if he can see through the roof and towards the empty sky. “Or a relationship. Sometimes we kind of need it. Life works like that. People come and go. No one can ever stay in the same place forever.”

The philosophical logic would annoy him, especially because he knows that much already, but he also knows that this is Changbin’s way of providing comfort, as indirect and as supposedly unhelpful it actually is. And he knows that Changbin speaks from personal experience. Seungmin might not know the details about it, and isn’t even sure of his own speculations, but the elder’s tone, the look on his face – it says enough. He knows. The tactic might necessarily be the best way of providing assurance or comfort to someone who may need it, but they’re reaching a sense of mutual understanding. Seungmin thinks that’s more than enough. Comfort makes his skin crawl anyway.

“It’d be nice if we could though.” Seungmin says, leaning back. This is the first time he’s ever been in a treehouse, in _Changbin’s_ treehouse, but he feels like he’d like to stay here forever. Even if it isn’t meant for him. There are times where he wants to be in places where he isn’t wanted, isn’t needed, isn’t supposed to be at, just because there’s something about it draws him in, makes him want to belong, to be a part of it.

This is one of these times, even if he doesn’t have a reason for it.

“For a moment, maybe. A moment of forever.” Changbin muses.

But Changbin wants him here. It’s clear enough from how he invited him to his special hideout, from how he offered him drinks, from how he talks and lets Seungmin do the same. It makes Seungmin feel flattered, wanted. And yet–

 “I’m not looking for a relationship.” Seungmin blurts out. “Not right now anyway.”

He tries not to look at Changbin, but he can’t help it, curiosity and anxiousness at the concept of _not knowing_ taking priority over everything else. Changbin doesn’t look fazed. Instead, he meets his gaze with Seungmin’s, and lifts his shoulder in a reply, a sign of his nonchalance towards the words.  

“Okay.” He says. “I’m not expecting anything.” He tells him. “I just thought it’d be nice to have someone to drink and talk with, for the night. And maybe for future ones.” 

Seungmin blinks. He lets go of his grip on the bracelet, and lies down as well. If he stretches his hand out, he can easily reach Changbin. But he closes his eyes and pretends like he’s reaching for stars and a moon that aren’t actually there. “Only if you bring better drinks next time.”

Changbin snorts, and it sounds like a smile that graces Seungmin’s own lips.

**Author's Note:**

> unbeta'd. hmu on my [twt](https://twitter.com/hanjisquish) or [cc](https://curiouscat.me/youngwings) if you wanna chat. thank you for reading!!


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